Unintentional darkroom

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1

What the fuck did I see? This evening I fell asleep super early and woke up suddenly not long after. It’s dark in my room but not super dark, the curtains aren’t black out and there’s a little light coming from the street. Directly above me there was a black puff and as I watched it trying to figure out what I was looking at a pink/purple area emerged in the black.

I remembered reading something about needing to put puffs on pouches but I’m still a newb, still working my way through the books (only started with Journey to Ixtlan a short while ago and am now only up to Fire from Within, though I’ve read both Florinda’s and Taisba’s too). I put my hand out and tried to grab the push or move it towards my body but it did t work. I got very in my head thinking about it all and it all faded away. My heart was racing with excitement, so I spent a bit of time looking around and not really focusing on anything and the black came back. It was really close to me and then the purple/pink patch appeared and there was like moving images. My eyes were struggling to focus but there was at one point an eye that looked like maybe a tiger/animal eye, not human.

I keep looking around and there are small magenta patches that slide across my vision and then disappear. Now I know you all talk about this being possible in darkroom but this wasn’t intentional darkroom. I saw some other weird stuff like blueish light around the room, like the reactions of light from water that was bouncing around and texture and the air looked like it was wriggling. I kept struggling to maintain focus (both the literal focus of my eyes and not getting distracted by rationalising it all) and I fell back asleep.

After the surprise tonight, it’s given me a kick up the arse to actually dive in. I was reflecting yesterday that I’m diving into the books and reading everything (highlighting bits that feel useful) but that is easy for me to do. I like collecting all the information about a thing and sometimes it’s an excuse to put off doing the actual thing.

I’ve been a bit half arsed tbh. I’m a carer to a family member who needs round the clock care that is very not routine and so I don’t get to decide my schedule. I’ve been recapping about a month or so and feel a massive difference. I’m a year into what is now a planned 7 year celibacy to stop myself getting distracted and deal with the whole “worms” thing in case recapping doesn’t fully. I have been practising tensegrity in the day a little but not a huge amount and certainly not the 2-3 hour while in darkroom as I’ve not been able to find a time and space I’m not needed to do that. I’m clearing out a very small closet to use as a dark space where I can move a little so I am heading that way but slowly.

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2

Ok. I’ve just found the term directionality and what to do re puffs so that’s answered. Another question - my eyes keep going out of focus while looking around. Like I see something, trying to look at it and then my eyes cross. Am I doing something wrong or is this standard?

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There’s all sorts of eye movements that can “help” bring things into focus when viewing magical realms, due to the “shine of your eyes” effect.

A shifted reality that’s vivid comes with a particular “shine”, which can’t possibly be explained. Only learned through personal work.

It’s kind of like trying to explain what something tastes like, or smells like, to someone who hasn’t tasted or smelled that.

Each food has a unique taste and smell.

The “shine of the eyes” is the same.

And it becomes visible in Silent Knowledge.

There’s also something else that can happen, which relates to our body becoming more able to act on its own.

I suppose it reverts to some more basic animal state, the way an animal might growl involuntarily, if the situation warrants a growl.

But that’s definitely not a good thing to mention to beginner, some of whom will use that knowledge to get attention.

So it’s largely edited out of the books.

In the cases where Carlos’ body acted on its own when attacked by apprentices, you’re in the same “category” with that effect.

In recapitulation, the hands and arms can even move on their own to point something out to you that you aren’t paying attention to.

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Thank you Dan! I’ll just keep going with it. It sounds like the difficulty with visual focus is par for the course. I’m not clear how much focus I’m supposed to put on figuring out what I’m seeing during (like the details of the movement within the fuschia/black) or whether I need to be more relaxed about it and just watch it happen while forcing silence?

It’s interesting what you say about the recap and movement. I’ve had urges to move my arms around a couple of times, not pointing though, just moving them around through the space in front of my body. I’m guessing you mean something different though, like pointing out a detail of the experience.

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As long as what you’re doing is for your own sake, and not part of some future planned book about “My great sorcery knowledge”, it’s fine.

We’re just trying to battle the forces which nearly destroyed everything Carlos brought us.

When this subreddit started, everything on the web and in any magical subreddit said, “Carlos Castaneda was thoroughly debunked!”

Now instead they’re saying different things…

Or fearing to bring it up since it makes them look so bad.

It was like that back in the 70s. The main argument against Carlos was that his books were “too good to be true”.

When in fact, they’ve been toned down a bit because the full on magic is impossible to even comprehend!

Some other systems have come to grips with it now, and just say it’s “really wild” over here. Occasionally sending people to us, when their level of craziness is more than that magical system can handle.

But the price in here is very high. You have to actually do hard work.

Which might be a good way to make peace with the fake magic out there, which doesn’t actually require any work.

We can be like my favorite restaurant 15 years ago where the waiters accepted me showing up with several amazingly beautiful young women 1/3rd my age, hoping to get them drunk.

Never carding them… That’s a dirty little secret of fine dining. If the women are too young, and with an old man, they never get carded.

Because the place was so darned expensive. I typically ended up with 3 waiters standing by our table, ready to get whatever the women wanted.

The McDonald’s down the street didn’t feel threatened by the place.

Too bad they went out of business.

Too pricey for that area of town.

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Ha. Zero interest in writing a book. I can’t really say what is the motivation other than fascination and curiosity. I want to know what is out there that’s so far unknown to me.

It seems really clear to me what the intention is of the people running this subreddit, you’re putting a lot of time and effort in to explaining stuff for zero payback and dealing with a lot of shit from naysayers. I’ve read the posts, and I see why there’s a whole lot of distrust about people’s aims and the ability to follow through. I’m not scared of hard work, I can procrastinate and come up with excuses and I’m trying to push past it. Last night definitely helped because even though it was a small thing in comparison to what you all see and experience, I know have clarity that I 100% can shift things and that is cutting through the laziness.

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Thank you for sharing this. What a fun experience! There’s hope for me yet in my semi darkroom (some natural moonlight through blinds). Someday, I’ll be brave enough to go full darkroom.

It’

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Are you scared of the dark? I was always terrified because of the weird stuff I’d see earlier in my life. Now I know what it was and the vibe (dislike that word but don’t know what else to use!) feels completely different. The first night I tried darkroom without blackout material it was a bit creepy but now I’m so excited for full darkness. I’ve just realised I can attach blackout material to the inside of my curtains so will update.

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It happened again! I fully expected it to be a one off where I’d need to work hard to get back there but last night I woke up after a few hours again and there was like a black puff, I’m assuming that what I’m seeing is a puff. It has movement and at first was dispersed and then kinda congregated so it was denser. It had swirls coming off like tentacles that were kind of pulsating. The purple/pink appeared in it again. There was a lot movement, not just in the black. The whole area of air in my room was weird. At first just static and kind of lit up slightly but enough to question. Then patches of intense wiggling like (this is gross but like a bucket of worms or maggots). It didn’t look like actual creatures but just that constant movement everywhere.

There was a new thing which was super bright flashes that were a mix of colours, not any of the ones mentioned here as pure colours, but I think some green and a few others all together. It would be a flash I’d see with my peripheral vision of my left eye but nothing when I moved my head. Also my face was tingly but this could be unrelated. I can’t sustain it for long, after about 20 minutes I crashed out again.

Also the small pink circles remind me of smoke, they move in a similar way but they disappear when I try to move my eyes to move them. Anyway, I’m happy it’s continued. I’m going to learn some more passes today.

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Yes, I’m scared of the dark, but I’m recapping those incidents and that’s helping. For instance, when I first came across darkroom here, I resisted the practice and swore to myself never to do it. Then, I started doing it with lights in the hallway filtering in. I have since turned those lights off and only a little moonlight filters in through the blinds now. So… progress. Yay! My goal is to go full darkroom soon, so recap is my primary tool for dealing with the incidents that caused the fear.

Although I haven’t yet seen anything dramatic in darkroom like you did, I have seen some lights, shadows, wavy patterns and recently, there seems to be a flashing light to the left of my face…flashing on and off continuously. I don’t know what it is, but it’s been happening nightly, eyes open or closed.

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Recap has been life-changing for me. I had some big T trauma stuff that is gone, the body reaction to it has just disappeared. I feel really energised often after doing it too, do you experience that?

I had the left side flashing too. Is it gone when you turn? I had super bright flashing that was a mix of colours but only in my peripheral vision. Everything else I saw was still there when moving my eyes around but not the bright flashing.
I’ve had nothing since the second night of seeing things. Need to step up the time of darkroom with tensegrity. Feels like it was a “here, this is a nudge/hint of what’s possible. Now put the work in.”

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Nice work! It’s not an easy task to recap trauma stuff. Yes, I feel a sense of detachment and ease, post recap. I like that a lot.

I no longer have the left side flashing light, so I have no idea why it was there to begin with.

Your experience and mine could be gifts from Intent to nudge us, as you mentioned. There’ll be much more as we deepen silence and practice consistently.