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1

Hi guys,

Just wanted to share some progress with you. Since I’ve found this reddit I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I was kind of frustrated because I’m currently going through a very rough phase of depression (I read someone else describing the dark night of the soul and I think this captures also my experience). A sort of existential heartbreak if you will. So the moment I started meditating on the processes described here I would get very anxious/overwhelmed. And when I tried forced silence it was like a war with suicidal thoughts etc. This is not a normal mental state for me, so instead of trying the exercises I dedicated myself (again) to recapulation. I literally did everything I could think of to integrate as fast as I could the experiences I accumulated over the past 2 years (which were the most difficult). EMDR, magic mushrooms (which was like an epic hell ride), ayahuasca, meditating, breathwork, writing etc.(*I don’t use substances anymore but I made an exeption these 2 times to release some emotions) I also tried to at least look around me when I was laying in bed to go to sleep and try to challenge my thoughts about reality and vision (semidarkness).

Now comes the interesting part. Some two months ago I started seeing colours again in broad daylight. At first it was subtle, then layers of colour would come over certain places and objects. Like bright neon blue and violet. It was quit beautiful. Then I would start seeing purple smoke before falling asleep. Again in semidarkness which I find now is also good for slipping into second attention. I would watch these smokes but a couple weeks they only moved and would get a little brighter. Then last week when my existential dread was at a all time high I was so desperate for going deeper into second attention that something clicked. I figured out how to move my assemblage point and I pushed myself beyond the fear of ‘seeing’ and these are some (fairly simple) experiences so far:

The bouncing of the purple smokes turned my hands into neon green lights which was pretty amazing and uplifting energy.

One time I followed a purple smoke and it became beacon of purple light filling the whole room, it felt like it restored my whole belief in magic. I felt my innocence restored, really helped me regain some courage.

A couple of times the purple smokes led me to inorganic beings. I thought it was a IOB because the structure of the cloud was different (stripey like static) and it felt very strongly like they ‘wanted’ the purple smokes. It felt like a strange exchange and the idea of food came to mind. And then I remembered that Dan (or someone else) posted about feeding smokes to IOBs. LOL I laughed out loud when this clicked. The IOB felt very friendly to me, because I felt it giving me good feelings in return (I even felt one stroking my head one time when I expressed I was feeling very lonely).

One time I went ‘into’ a purple cloud and in an instant I saw a very detailed image of a older woman with some kind of facial deformity (it seemed like her face was droopy on one side) which scared the shit out of me. Don’t know what that was about.

Yesterday and the day before I was so tired but I noticed that I would slip into second attention before falling asleep and that would energize me so that’s a new kind of problem lol

I feel like I can ‘feel’ into second attention now more easily, but the seeing is still difficult. Most times I don’t progress beyond purple smoke > catch purple smoke with attention or hands > inside purple smoke structures form but any further only happenes sporadic. I would love to hear feedback or thoughts.

I’m still a little held back to fully engage on this forum and read more posts even though I really want too, it’s just that everything shared here makes me over excited and that’s due to mostly anxiety/overwhelm. Don’t want to give the feeling that I just want to dump my experiences because I do scroll through posts and they help me a lot (so thanks!) If I feel a little bit more secure in myself I will visit the forum more frequently. For now I’m taking babysteps, but it sure feels great to have some progress.. (I’m going to take a day next week to read through all the basic terms and explanations to further my exploration)

This process has also reopened more buried memories of encounters with IOBS back when I had periods of slightly manic high energy. I really do appreciate the groundedness of this forum because I don’t want to return to those ups and downs but master this in a way that it doesn’t lead to overly optimistic/flying into space delusional states.

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Experiences
2

One time I went ‘into’ a purple cloud and in an instant I saw a very detailed image of a older woman with some kind of facial deformity (it seemed like her face was droopy on one side) which scared the shit out of me. Don’t know what that was about.

It was just about getting some startled energy out of you, the kind they are drawn to. We have to resist the temptation to assign IOB’s human motivations.

We’re cousins from a different line.

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That is very interesting.. I did feel like there were personalities but I didn’t feel them as human, more as a pattern of energy. I don’t know if this is the right way to see them.

So it could just be a random scary image just to feed off my fear energy?

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Yes! You can feel your insides metaphorically bubbling when startled, and so can they. They are old and slow. It’s analogous to a turtle laying on a heat lamp to warm up.

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Cool :)! Will remember this for next time. I was dreading meeting the first IOBs but I must say that I was suprised that there is a lot of comedic value in it. It feels like a peekaboo kind of game.

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> A couple of times the purple smokes led me to inorganic beings.

I’ve seen the purple smoke gather into a pillar, the size of a small adult. It rotated around it, and it became obvious some spirit was trying to materialize.

There’s no importance to that, other than it’s very entertaining.

And makes a person look forward to practicing.

> I would love to hear feedback or thoughts.

There’s all kinds of tips an individual could give another, if they had learned to go all the way to the final level of heightened awareness.

But I just don’t think they can ever help. They’re just so personal.

I suspect it’s just perfecting your silence that makes the difference.

Try to make it external, the way Zuleica suggested.

Once it’s external, you can sort of “ignore it”. Overcome it with a feeling of bliss.

As it lessens, there will be periodic sudden shifts of the assemblage point.

Those will release energy if it’s a new position, but once you’ve traveled that path a lot of times they simply cause you to “forget what you were doing”.

You’ll realize you forgot, and for an instant think you messed up and started the internal dialogue again.

You want to learn to be very perceptive, and notice if that’s the case or not.

The Eagle’s command to take an inventory also happens every 15 minutes or so, and causes it to return for an instant, as you look inward at what’s there, and describe it.

But a sudden slide of the assemblage point, with no release of energy because it’s not a new position, can cause loss of focus to happen. An interruption in the concentration you had.

Think of your concentration as a hook you toss into something, where it can sink. It’s almost like a feverish dream, obsessed over something that makes no sense.

Your awareness is then anchored by that “obsession” with some undefinable aspect of reality (the emanations).

If the hook comes out of what it’s anchored in, you slide. And until you toss it into something else, your awareness can’t make sense of anything.

The realization that you “forgot” to be practicing sincerely, is just your awareness finally sinking that hook back into a specific spot.

And that’s a good thing if it happens over and over. It means your silence is good or you wouldn’t keep losing concentration.

Not the same thing at all, as going into a fantasy and having your internal dialogue return.

I suppose universal good advice (which I’m sure Juan would agree with), is emphasize silence above all else.

Silence is the vehicle.

But, you need signposts, to make sure you’re going the right direction. You can’t (at first) “feel silence”.

So you look for the loss of continuity. When you seem to forget what you were doing, and feel bad that you messed up.

Look for those.

Look for tingles of course.

Look for jet black swirling.

And finally, there’s nothing like a visible IOB, to move the assemblage point quickly.

EXCEPT, they don’t really want you to make it to the end of the J curve.

They don’t get the emotional energy they seek over there.

No problem. Let them move it as far as they can (by watching and interacting with them), and then you can tell them you have something else to do.

And continue by using intercepted dreams, instead of them.

Look for little disturbances in the air, which start to form full scenes.

When you get multiple of those going at once, try to “feel” the nagual in it all.

I suppose it feels like bubbling tar.

That’ll bring out the double.

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You must know that those “suicidal thoughts” are all about the assamblage point position.

You are at the suffering point.

Now that I have some experience with the J curve, it is really amazing to notice that.

Sometimes I am in that same state, having problems with everything.

Then I practice, and when my breath changes, I have all my freedom, happiness and well being with me again.

My mood can change from my very worst to my very best in 1 hour!

And once there, I usually feel light for the whole day, even if I stop practicing.

I can’t believe humans are not aware of it!!

It is the best tool you can imagine for living a happy life. It doesn’t matter who you are or what you do.

It is all about the assamblage point position.

Just keep working and you will get enlightened at will.

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How would a complete noob get started ?

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Thank you, I did notice mood shifts while in second attention. I think this point of suffering is the main reason I’m diving into this. I did years of practice to increase heightened awareness and just when I felt like I had sufficiently integrated and ready to let go of most of my personal identity, something felt like it crashed in me and I was in 24/7 suffering, very dark place. I couldn’t understand it. Nowadays it shifts day by day, some days I feel like a complete loser, one that is lost in childish ideas of magic etc. Other days I have moments where everything feels possible. Now I understand that this is prob my AP shifting, thanks! It is indeed a kind of funny that the same shift that I meditated years on can be achieved by these methods in an instant if you train it.

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You can read around here. The Wiki is very useful.

I also used to read Dan’s old post.

And you can pick up one of the books.

I always recommend starting with the first Taisha’ book (The Sorcerer’ Crossing), but any other of Carlos or Florinda is good.

If you manage a Darkroom you can start the practice right now, even if you don’t understand it.

Ask here anything you want!

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Thanks Dan! Some terms are still hard to completely understand, when first reading about it it feels like a strange but enticing language, but when I experience it it is like I understand the language suddenly. I will explore further.. :slight_smile:

12

By darkroom you mean literally a dark room ?

I don’t wanna sound stupid or provocative, but is all this real in some way ?

Around 2 years ago I got close to psychedelics and they made me realize how little I know about reality, and how I cannot really exclude the possibility of things that are not widely accepted to be true.

I am coming with an open mind.

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At some point it will all seem like the same thing, over and over.

I suppose that’s when the “second enemy of a man of knowledge” comes along.

Clarity.

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It only gets deeper from here. The abyss…

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Thanks Dan.

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This is absolutely real, and I can be 100% because I’ve just been seeing energy on my hand, like a movie moving in full motion, wich gave me waves of intense bliss.

It is the second attention.

Darkness will help you a lot to find it.

And once you start playing with it you begin to understand the crazy things that are told in the books.

Keep in mind this is a very old path, wich we are trying to conect with. The Intent of the old sorcerers of Mexico.

It was created by hundreds and hundreds of men who dedicated their lifes to explore the awareness.

My guess is that’s why most people fail when they try alternative paths.

This one is very tested.

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Juann maybe you could explain what the j curve feels like when it moves up and down. The negative depressed point and then the break through to breathing.

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Try to make it external, the way Zuleica suggested.

Once it’s external, you can sort of “ignore it”. Overcome it with a feeling of bliss.

Could you explain this?

…“The Eagle’s command to take an inventory also happens every 15 minutes or so, and causes it to return for an instant,…”

Are you saying we all have a preinstalled program to take inventory every 15 minutes? And the key is to ignore it?

“… Those will release energy if it’s a new position, but once you’ve traveled that path a lot of times they simply cause you to “forget what you were doing”.”

Not following. So If I slide sideways all the time. There is no energy release I just forget what I’m doing? Like for a moment / walking into a room? Or like a few days that go missing?

How dows one aim the hook properly

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When I decide to practice I start forcing silence and observing what is in front of me.

Little by little I begin to see some colors moving there, and the whitish hologram too.

Then they get brighter a have some shapes, but nothing you can identify.

At that point I am still a complete idiot, with a noisy dialogue.

But each time it gets easier to be silence, and for longer.

I am all the time remembering to get silent.

So I start to “feel” my sorroundings a bit more. If I am looking at a window, I watch it in a lovely way.

It is like a peaceful gazing.

But I still get fucked up by the dialogue.

If I keep practicing, I start seeing dreams made by second attention.

By concentrating on them I get the first true bliss, and my breath probably changes, but for very short periods of time.

Maybe I have 5 seconds of it, and then return to the normal one.

Still, I need to remember all the time to get silent, but now it already feels good.

Little by little I get used, and can hold it for longer.

At that point I have very weird sensations on my whole body.

It is like falling asleep, so you don’t realize if you are in a dream or still in your room. Energy gets very real, appearing everywhere in my visual field.

You see things that are not really understandable. Pure abstract stuff, but extremely real, in front of you.

If you are at dark, it is like becoming one with it.

There is when I stop feeling the “self”.

The dialogue is so vague, and I am so desidentified from it that can easily be stopped to 0.

There you have absolutely no problems.

You let everything be as it is, and it feels extremely good. You flow with the universe.

Today I’ve been exploring the sublime side, wich is a left lateral shift, once you are on heightened awareness.

For some reason Don Juan really liked it, and I have to know why.

This shift feels like a new enlightenment level. Everything gets intense, including the bliss.

I guess you can find a conection with the whole universe even if you are watching shit.

But you also lose clarity.

It becomes very easy to watch the leaves moving by the wind for hours.

There is nothing wrong, but you don’t make more progress.

The world is so beatiful that you reach airplane mode??

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I appreciate this. Helps a lot.