Feeling Stuck, Possibly Reggressing

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When I was first learning Tensegrity, the DVDs helped me a lot. I would watch a portion, pause the DVD and practice it exactly as in the video and just repeat over and over until eventually my kinesthetic memory memorized them. The DVDs only cover two sets but I think they’re really helpful. There are also videos on Youtube in which forms may or may not be performed correctly.

Tensegrity is not from our culture so I used to feel awkward doing the passes too but the goals of Olmec sorcery are different from those of ordinary people as well, so it makes sense that we need to do things outside of our comfort zone. Reading the book “Magical Passes” by Carlos Castaneda helps to give an explanation for each pass as well as some context and practical tips.

For me, Tensegrity is really important because it is something I can DO. I wasted way too much time contemplating and thinking. Know what I mean?

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Yes, the value of DOING is there.
I have terrible memory for movement, can’t convince my brain to memorize them. I can recite a conversation I had 20 years ago almost verbatim easily, show me a pass and I won’t be able repeat it 10 seconds later. Hate learning moves for that reason. But it seems more and more that I’ll be forced to… lol

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(This comment was deleted lost)

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The puffs are your double in energy body pieces. That’s what would be good to see next.

Did you try wiggling your fingers on the second attention spot, to see if you can feel something, “as thick as water”?

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You’re not the only one going through this, if that helps you feel better. Sometimes I feel like I’m intentionally screwing up my own progress, sometimes I feel like something else is. It’s a twist-up for sure but you’ll get through it I’m sure, as will I.

We just have to find more ways to stop leaking energy, keep working on that silence, and cut the excuses and self pity. It feels like a perpetual battle sometimes

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I haven’t seen puffs yet, the dark purple patches I do see are not "puffy’, not like the green clouds, they are more like one-dimensional patches of color.

NONE of what I’ve seen so far has been interactive: when I try to touch them, nothing happens, I don’t feel them, their direction doesn’t change, they keep on moving through my fingers. Neither the sparks, nor the green clouds follow my eyes, I turn my head from side to side and they stay in the same spot, not following my eyes.

I wiggle my fingers in front of me, like you explained before as “tickling the infinity” and nothing happens, no feelings, no sights. Is this what you meant or is “wiggling fingers on the second attention spot” something different?

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The first time I tried was spectacular, did random movements with absolutely no expectations before work one night. At one point I was watching like on a curved screen i was in an old style mansion, could turn my head move my eyes and what i saw would move, like looking from one side of a hallway to another moving through a fog. Ever since, I try, but expectation I think keeps pulling me farther away. Silencing that part of my mind seems to be tricky, like I have no patience for it. After all there is no try, only do.

As of right now I’m just waiting a couple weeks to forget the experience, practicing the actual passes, and trying to make silence unconscious behavior throughout my day. It’s nice knowing I’m not the only one that’s happened to, frustrating because I want to be really good at it lol the last time i only did it an hour, saw a bright yellow light from behind me in the corner of my sight. I turned to look, actually when I noticed it it got dimmer. Completely different than my first time, but it took an hour for 1 little glimpse and I gave up. Dan seems on point when he says it’s work. Luckily I’m stubborn and enjoy a good challenge, hopefully you master this hurdle and can share what you found works.

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Agree, it feels good to know you’re not the only one with this problem. Otherwise, you begin to think it’s just you, your unique problem and inability to progress, but if it’s common and people go through similar delays and get past it, it means you can, too!

Looking forward to you sharing your experiences! Every once in a while, it’s nice to compare notes on this lonely path.

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No, that’s a more advanced technique.

But works spectacularly later on! You won’t believe what that can do.

The second attention position is associated with the double.

Try 1/2 inch below your belly button, to 1 inch above it as the level from the floor. Move your fingers straight out along that plane, then 4 inches to the right. Wiggle there. 18-24 inches from your stomach and 4 inches to the right.

The most obvious thing will be vague white sparkles or flashes. If you see those, and even if they’re quickly boring, keep doing it a while to get your eyes “used to the darkness”.

You’re denting the luminous shell of the energy body. The double’s is a lot more “fluffy” than our luminous shell version.

Keep in mind, not every weirdness you see in darkroom is “the same thing”.

It’s easy to lump it all together like that, but there’s very distinct things.

I suppose it’s like you are sitting in a park in super heavy fog, and can’t see a thing from your bench.

But you get lucky, and the guy with the Churro cart walks by. He gets close enough for you to see the glow of the heat lamp he has shining on the already finished churros in a metal bin.

Keep in mind, the metal bin also has a spot of glow you might notice, if you gaze longer at what you can make out of his heat lamp. There’s also a little reflection of it, down below on the left. A tiny dot.

But all you see is a single puff of reddish light.

Elsewhere a little kid coated a helium balloon with fluorescent green paint, so he could watch it hover in the fog like a UFO. Maybe even scare the weird lady sitting on the bench, staring off into the fog.

It gets away from him and slowly drifts by you.

You see it and think, “This is paying off! The reddish puff got bigger, and now it’s turning bright green!”

You get a few goosebumps.

Actually, they aren’t the same thing at all.

In darkroom there are pieces of your energy body. Those are sentient.

There are faces that materialize on the puffs. Those are only “using the very faintest puffs” to make themselves visible. But are in fact inorganic beings.

Then there’s what the “tonal” eyes can see. Those have some limited ability to “see energy” all by themselves.

But the double’s eyes can see anything they like.

So dream scenes will appear in the darkness. Often on top of a diffuse puff. You see literally dream bubbles in the air! Later you can learn to zip right into those, fully real, fully awake, eyes open.

Technically, you “borrowed the double’s eyes” to see those at first.

When you’re using the doubles eyes to perceive things, it’s “non-directional”.

Doesn’t behave like a “real” thing.

So it “follows” the turn of your head, and you conclude it’s just a hallucination.

Or it does something else, which doesn’t fit with our expectations of using binocular vision from the eyes.

Even when it begins to obey our expectations, there aren’t 2 separate views of it, from each eye, so no way to “triangulate” distance.

There’s a lot of crazy stuff in that foggy park at night, and it’s important to remember that it’s not all the same thing.

So you can figure out what brings the Churro cart around, and what’s essentially random, like the kid with the glowing balloon.

When you get good at that, you can wave your hands in the right way, and cause the puffs you stuffed on your pouches, to release and “swarm” for you.

You can send them up to the south east corner of the room, to form a “whorl” and try to read text from it.

But you can also do a tensegrity movement you have trained to produce a result, and when you reach out your hand at the end, a “magical object” can form high up, and drift down into your hand.

You can use those to do ANYTHING. I don’t believe there’s a limit on what those can do.

There’s also “the high and the low”.

A completely different topic filled with fun stuff.

The low can materialize cobwebs, which is the glow of your own tonal awareness, dropped onto the floor as you walk around.

But because it’s the tonal’s awareness, if you gaze into it, it can form scenes for you. Such as you are suddenly walking on cracked mud. With absolutely perfect details. You’d even get a shiver up your spine out of excitement and fear, if you weren’t deep in the red zone and no longer cared about such things.

If you “make a mood” while walking on the real looking phantom floor, the mood spreads up the walls of the room, and you find yourself in another world. The mood could be something as simple as, an impression of the last place where you saw cracked mud like that. The place could materialize all around you because you “expect it”.

Vividness depending on how much “energy” you have. Dreaming energy.

Sunlight glitter helps with that.

But “the high” is just as cool!

You can literally stretch your luminous shell upward. Just by gazing up there.

So if you turn your head to look up at the zenith, and in so doing curve your back a bit in a way you aren’t accustomed to, you can summon “yellow sparkles” above you.

Summon them! At will when you get advanced enough.

Those are some sort of “Silent Knowledge Preview”.

Not actual silent knowledge which obeys your choice of topic, and lets knowledge flow with that in mind, but that yellow “high energy sparkle” is a “window” to silent knowledge.

Technically, I suspect it’s the “shiny outer coating” as a patch.

Possibly the tonal’s ability to see. It’s not just the awareness of our double, which refused to be in the flesh body, that can do amazing things.

But the tonal awareness perhaps needs to be “real” to do stuff.

So the shiny sparkles from above are “real” enough, and you can spread them out to “do things”.

They can form La Gorda’s “eye”.

But you kind of need the guy with the Churro cart to come around a few times first. Start small and build from there as the assemblage point moves.

Of course, women can simply “notice something” and zip right over there.

The trick seems to be, how to get them to actually look around.

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I put the iPad on the dresser and watch/practice. Can turn the lights off, and turn the brightness way down on the screen.

I started with only a couple moves at a time. My first whole long form is the first series for unbending intent. I just watched and practiced the first three moves from the video. Over and over again until I could do those three without thinking and trying to remember what move came next. During the day when I could steal a few moments I’d do a couple rounds. Just the first few, however many you can remember. When I had those few down, I’d add the next few the same way, except now I’d practice all 6 or so in a sequence. Over and over until I didn’t have to try to remember what move came next.

It took days to remember the first few well enough that I could add more, without forgetting the first few.

I’m the same way, a bit uncoordinated physically and I was struggling remembering ANYTHING when I tried full groups or the whole form. Little chunks at a time.

I found that after awhile I could remember more moves at a time, and I could add more sooner.

Once I had the entire long form in my body I went back to the video and started to clean up my moves, noticing I should move this arm this way, start this move on this side, that kind of thing. Little things I was doing incorrectly but it was too much to remember everything and try to focus on perfect execution right out of the gate.

Now that I have the whole form in my body, and I’ve got most of the little details worked out, I can do it in silence and work on the intensity, because my brain isn’t filled with trying to remember the next moves and being annoyed at myself for stumbling.

Just like eating an elephant

Edit: I’ve also visualized myself doing moves as I laid in bed on my way to sleep. That helped also. I think it takes as much focus and dedication as any other practice here be it recap or darkroom or silence in general. Especially at first, until you have everything “set up”

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To add to this, some shades of purple are the color opposite of some shades of green. It could be in your reality what for some looks purple could look green. Everything is subjective.